my-blog-my-fetishes said: Since you're obviously quite experienced, I would like to ask you a question. I'm very interested in pegging (and femdom) and I would like to introduce this in my relationship, but I don't really know how. I would love to share my interests and involve my girlfriend in my desires, but I find it very difficult to do so. I don’t want to push my girlfriend, or scare her with my unorthodox desires and I definitely don’t want to force her into anything. Thanks, Thomas
Hello Thomas and thanks for asking.
First let’s set the stage with a few comment on your question;
1- This is, in one of many form, the single most asked question that I get from followers. The second one being from women who are looking for ways to introduce pegging to their men. As with any “new” sexual practice the first steps are always the most difficult and communication is THE key.
2- You label your desires for pegging as “unorthodox”….. Well, maybe….. But it may suprise you to learn that the use of strapon is gaining so much popularity that those sex-toys now outsell almost all other types except the rabbit vibe. Of course not all strap-on are use for pegging but it is still a good indicator that there use is no longer a fringe phenomenon.
3- In your question you link two related but distinct topic; Femdom and strap-on sexual practices. Even if the use of strapon by dominant female is a classic image it is just one of the many ways for a Mistress to control/humiliate/punish or reward her sub. Also keep in mind that while the “pegging Femdom” is very visible in porn it is still a small subset of the larger group of loving women who enjoy the use of a strapon dildo with their male partner.
Now to answer your question:
The very first think, in my view, is for you to get your priority very clear in your mind.
If “pegging” is your main goal it may be easier to “sell” the idea without the femdom element. You can always add it later.
If, for you, the most exciting part is to be dominated by your girfriend it would be much easier to start with some bondage and light spanking. Get her into the “Mistress” mindset before introducing the strap-on part.
I will assume that you are aiming at getting your girlfriend to take you with a strap-on as part of a Femdom scenario and that you two have very limited prior experience with both Femdom play and pegging. Finally I will also assume that you have never really talk to her about those desires of yours.
Communication is always the key when you want to introduce anything new in someone’s life. It’s not different because it is a sexual practice. You need to find the right way to present it to her as something that you will both enjoy. Here’s a few idea:
- If your girlfriend likes anal sex you are in a great position to ask her to give you a chance to discover the pleasure of the backdoor. She already know how exciting a good buttfuck can be for her and should be open to the idea of sharing the experience with you.
- One “easy sell” for most curious and open-minded women is to ask her to finger your butt while giving you a blowjob. It is a great way to ease her mind into the idea of invading your backdoor. After a few time it will give you a perfect oppening to ask for more. Since she will have witness your reaction to a little ass-pumping she will very likely be curious and open to explore further.
- Give her some hints; “forget” to close your browser after visiting a pegging/strapon site, print a mild strapon story and leave it on your desk, if you both like to watch porn start adding some pegging titles to your selection….
- Talk to her about you fantasies, things that you would like to try, and include pegging as one of the big ones.
- Ask her about her fantasies and see if she may have similar ones (Femdom is a private fantasy of many). Offer your help to fulfill some of those and ask her to help you fulfill yours.
There is no “magic” recipe but if you take the time to discover how she initially feel about the idea of pegging, before trying to sell it to her, you stand a much better chance of finding the right way to win her over.
Strapon sex of any kind is not a “natural” form of sex. It is very exciting and rewarding for both but it is an aquired taste. Don’t rush your girlfriend into it. Always remember that using a strapon is a major change for her both on the mental and the physical sense.
A final word of caution:
DO NOT try to “break the ice” by buying and strapon behind her back and presenting it to her. That’s the best way to freak her out. Let her be part of the process.
I wish you and your girlfriend a great first pegging